How to Make Self-Control Easier (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

Hi friends!

Ever told yourself you’d wake up early, hit the gym, finish that assignment way before the deadline—only to end up scrolling TikTok at 2 AM, questioning all your life choices? We’ve all been there.

Self-control sounds great in theory, but in reality it can feel like an uphill battle when motivation wanes. But what if it could become something you just do automatically, like brushing your teeth or checking your phone the second you wake up?

Photo by Jordi Zamora on Unsplash

This is where habits, cognitive science, and psychology are your best friend. Upon reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, I’ve rounded up some must-use tips to hack your self-control.

1. Make Self-Control the Default Setting

Your brain runs on two systems:
🧠 System 1 (Fast Brain) → automatic, emotional, instinctual responses.
🧠 System 2 (Slow Brain) → logical, effortful, controlled thinking.

We rely on System 2 (slow, logical thinking) to make “good” choices, like studying instead of binge-watching Netflix. But this takes effort, and willpower can drain energy fast. Fortunately, you can rely less on willpower by making the right choice the easy choice.

Instead of forcing yourself to resist temptation:

• 🏋️‍♀️ Put your gym clothes next to your bed, so you wake up and put them on automatically.
• 📚 Keep your planner or assignments open on your desk so you see them before your phone.
• 🍎 Prep healthy snacks ahead of time so you don’t reach for junk food.

Make the best choice the easiest choice, and self-control seems effortless.

2. Attach New Habits to Things You Already Do

James Clear calls this habit stacking. Basically, it’s linking a new habit to one you already have. This works because your brain already recognizes certain routines, so adding a small habit to an existing one makes it feel natural.

Try this:
✅ After brushing your teeth → do an exercise.
✅ Before going to sleep → read one page of a book.
✅ While drinking your morning coffee → brain dump into a journal.

Small actions feel too easy at first, but they add up fast and they matter. Trust me, little changes create big ones. Before you know it, they become automatic.

3. Reduce the “Pain” of Good Decisions

Your brain avoids things that feel hard or uncomfortable (cough cough procrastination). If something feels painful, you’ll avoid it. But if there’s less friction, you’re more likely to do it.

Make hard things somewhat fun:
→ Avoiding studying? Play lo-fi beats or make aesthetic notes.
→ Struggle to work out? Find a fun dance workout or a class.

Make distractions harder:
→ Place your phone across the room so you don’t hit “snooze” in the morning.
→ Uninstall apps that eat your time every time you use them.

The less painful a good habit feels, the more likely it is to stick.

4. Shift Your Identity (Embody That Girl)

Most people try to change by focusing on goals (“I want to get fit”). But a stronger way to create self-control is by changing your identity (“I am a strong person”).

Instead of thinking:
❌ “I have to study.” → Say “I am the kind of person who takes my future seriously.”
❌ “I need to work out.” → Say “I am someone who moves my body every day.”

When you believe something about yourself, your brain works to make it true. And even if you don’t believe it at first, you’ll be motivated to take the opportunity to align with your desired self. Along the way, that person can simply become who you are.

5. Handle Imperfection Well

Self-control isn’t about being perfect. You’ll still have days where you don’t feel like it, where you mess up, where life just doesn’t go as planned. 

What matters is what happens after you mess up.

Instead of thinking:
❌ “I skipped my workout. I ruined everything.”
Try:
✅ “One missed workout doesn’t define me. I’ll get back on track tomorrow.”

James Clear’s rule is never miss twice. If you fall off one day, just get back the next. No shame, no guilt—just progress.

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Final Thoughts: Make Self-Control Work For You

You don’t have to force yourself to be disciplined. You need to create systems that make self-control automatic and natural.

💡 Make the good choices easy
💡 Stack habits on top of existing ones
💡 Reduce the “pain” of discipline
💡 Act like the person you want to be
💡 Accept and recover from slip ups

Sustained self control (the kind that really matters) is making small, smart choices that compound over time. 💛

Xoxo,

Meredith